Binging:
A Sign Your Boundaries May Have Been Crossed
There was a time in my life when I believed my worth depended on saying yes.
Yes to helping.
Yes to volunteering.
Yes to making everyone else happy.
Yes to self-sacrifice.
Even when every part of me wanted to say no.
Looking back, I realize that many of my binges had very little to do with food.
They had everything to do with ignoring my own needs and losing myself in pleasing others
The Cost of Being the “Good Girl”
If you want to be taken seriously, you have to say what you mean—and mean what you say.
For years, I couldn’t. I wasn’t raised in a home where speaking up was rewarded. It felt safer being invisible.
I saw myself as a reflection of my father’s disappointment. Instead of trusting my own voice, I measured my worth by whether other people approved of me.
I had spent so much of my life trying to earn the love and acceptance I longed for that disappointing someone else felt more painful than disappointing myself.
So I said “yes” when my heart was screaming “no.”
That people-pleasing habit damaged my confidence, strained relationships, left me exhausted, and filled me with guilt because I often over-promised and under-delivered.
But there was another consequence I didn’t understand at the time.
Every time I ignored my own boundaries...
I found myself turning to food.
My Brownie Girl Scout Cookie Binge Lesson
In 2003, when my daughter Cara was seven years old, she joined the Brownie Girl Scouts.
Wanting to support her, I volunteered to become the troop leader. Naming them Troop 418 was a nod to my precious Nana’s birthday, April 18, 1904.
During one of my first division meetings, Laurie, the Regional Director, asked for leaders to volunteer to bake five dozen cookies for the upcoming Christmas party.
Silence.
One by one, the experienced leaders politely declined.
Then she looked directly at me.
Her icy blue eyes locked onto mine.
Time seemed to slow.
I felt my shoulders tighten.
My stomach knotted.
Every muscle in my body stiffened.
I wanted to look away, but I couldn’t.
Inside, I heard myself saying,
“Please don’t say yes.”
But another voice was louder.
“What if they don’t like you?”
“What if they think you’re stuck up?”
“You have to be a team player.”
Before I even realized what I was doing, I heard the word tumble out of my mouth.
“Yes.”
The Real Reason I Binged
That evening, while baking five dozen Christmas cookies...
I binged.
At the time, I thought the cookies were the problem.
I blamed myself.
Today, I understand something very different.
It wasn’t about the cookies.
It wasn’t even about hunger.
It was about what happened the second I said “yes” when every part of me meant “no.”
In that moment...
I ignored my own needs.
I silenced my own voice.
I abandoned myself.
Food became the comfort I reached for in an attempt to soothe myself.
I wasn’t hungry for the cookies.
I was starving... for the courage to choose myself.
Food felt like the only way I knew to manage my mixed emotions.
When Food Becomes a Refuge
How many times have you found yourself standing in front of the refrigerator after a difficult conversation?
After agreeing to something you didn’t want to do?
After feeling criticized...
dismissed...
or intimidated?
Sometimes we think we’re hungry.
But what we’re really craving is relief.
Relief from the resentment that builds when we know we let others’ needs matter more than ours
Food can’t give us that.
It can numb the discomfort for a little while.
But it can’t teach us to honor our own voice.
Food can’t give us that.
It can numb the discomfort for a little while.
But it can’t teach us to honor our own voice.
That was the lesson that changed my life.
The freedom I was searching for was never going to come from another diet.
It was going to come from believing that my needs mattered, too.
From learning to trust myself.
From speaking honestly instead of swallowing my feelings.
From choosing self-respect over people-pleasing.
That’s why I no longer teach women how to find food freedom by eating all the foods they love. That’s the fun beginning, but what I really do is…
I teach them how to live differently.
Because healthy boundaries aren’t walls.
They aren’t punishment.
They’re emotionally honest statements that you say to let other people know what you need.
And every time you honor your own needs, you’re reinforcing one powerful message to yourself that you matter.
That’s right. You matter.
💛 If you’ve spent years saying “yes” when your heart was begging you to say “no,” I’d love to invite you to join me for my upcoming live workshop:
You’re Invited to Join My Next Workshop
YOU MATTER: How to Say “No” Without Guilt
Together, we’ll explore why setting boundaries feels so frightening, how people-pleasing fuels emotional eating, and practical tools and powerful stress-relief methods to help you communicate your needs with confidence, compassion, and self-respect.
Because healthy boundaries and greater peace of mind begin with believing you matter.
Click on the image below to view the EventBrite workshop coming on Sunday, August 2nd at 5:00 p.m. Eastern.
I hope you’ll join me. 💛
